my musings

Selling the Drama

2012-02-10T21:57:00.004+08:00

drama queen

noun - Informal . a person who often has exaggerated or overly emotional reactions to events or situations.

The question begs to be asked, apparently... although I never saw it that way. Perhaps I should dwell on it a bit more?

Do I really do this often?

Perhaps, oversensitive should be a better term?

oversensitive [ˌəʊvəˈsɛnsɪtɪv]

adj excessively responsive to or aware of feelings, reactions,

Overanalyse?

Pronunciation: /əʊvərˈanəlʌɪz/

verb

[with object] analyse (something) in too much detail:

I wonder if this develops with age, emotion or both?

And how come it's only with ONE person?

I reckon if it has been going on for a longer time than I'd anticipated, it would have been pointed out by ....someone, surely?

..WHY is it with only that idiot?

Perhaps, in shifting the 'blame' it's easier to fault the other person?

:Points to ponder:

Please

2012-02-09T00:56:00.002+08:00

I've been feeling all over the place today.

Wonder why?

First, it was 'the prospect'...I think that set off a lot of thinking mechanics going about in my head. I can't help planning the future, know what I mean?

I didn't realize I was so muddled inside. There are so many unresolved issues. I want more and yet I'm too respectfully a pushover to not execute it.

Then I got even more muddled with what I needed to do with the freelancer. But each time I think it over, it feels as if I'm following my heart and not my head and that's just dangerously silly.

But I can't allow the position to be controlled somewhat by someone who does not seem to appreciate it.

Or is bored by it.

That's just against my instincts. Or my better judgement.

And somehow it will come back to bite me. Haunt me.

So there.

Then, I go on an assignment and get a moment when I think it's not so bad after all..

But I have to keep on the momentum. Otherwise I will chicken out and change my mind. Or over analyse. Or compensate for it by excusing something or other...

....And now I'm not sure if I want the prospect for the sake of having a show or just to get away from the little things that I disagree or hate from my current situation.

Who knows what the prospect holds? And what if the situation is worse off than where I am?

Then again, at the back of my mind, I'm already building arguments on my case to leave, hoping that there is a counter-offer so I won't have to leave.

I think I have a solid case. I'm confident in my abilities even though other biased people are not.

And here I'm biasedly assuming they have a bias towards me for the sake of filling a role that nobody else wants.

I can't help knowing I can do a much better job than the incumbent though, so...

Take Me As I Am

2012-02-04T01:15:00.002+08:00

I am conflicted today.

I lied.

I did not want to be somewhere.

And I felt bad about it after.

But I pondered on why I felt that way. Was it because I felt indebted to be where I did not want to be? Why was I feeling indebted? If being friends meant making one person feel guilty ultimately for not returning one's gesture, is that even friendship?

Perhaps it's just me.

But what else was she going to say?

Whatever drama that comes out of it wasn't worth the hassle.

And then I find out that the turnout sucked. It made me feel worse. Then I compared the relationship I have with her. And I started questioning the guilt, sense of responsibility, envy and even consolation.

She has other people whom she labels equally as she does to me.

She's more attached to others that I've been made aware of.

Yet, there's this sense of being a friend that gnaws at me.

What kinda friend was I today, lying to excuse laziness?

What kinda friend am I expected to be, if not myself?

And then I started blaming the situation I am in...busy, conflicted, lazy, afraid of moving out of the routine.

Afraid?

Yup, uncomfortably afraid of the idea that the social meet-up would involve me making an effort to talk to strangers I don't give two hoots about.

I label that hypocrisy, for why the frick would I care to know someone I would probably not meet again in my lifetime?

You'd argue I could bump into the stranger anywhere, anytime in the near future but I have to disagree.

What are the odds that these people will feature in my life more than once?

Pretty slim. Slender. Bullimic-ly, if there's even such a description.

And so I cower away, thinking and scheming about the next best excuse to not have to take responsibility over being a good friend. According to other people's description.

What maketh a good friend, anyway?

Tonight

2012-01-29T17:49:00.003+08:00

There's just something about the voice of certain singers that triggers an emotion in me. I'm listening to Alex Band's latest album, his first solo one. He was formerly of the duo The Calling. And hearing his voice and the music he has produced as a solo star, it reminds me of why I liked his 'band' previously.

Then again, there's very little to differentiate between what he is currently doing and what he did. If he did not call it Alex Band, or declare it as his solo work, I'd have easily assumed it was The Calling's comeback album. Simply because he was the voice of that collective. The only one.

Here, his songs make me reminisce about The Calling's many ballads which made me melancholic, broody even and thoughtful. His genre IS emo-angst-driven-contemplative-heartbroken-cry-for-help-and-justice-in-relationships.....truly.

Just have a listen and you'll know what I mean. Best song at the moment from that album is:

Please

There's no pleasure without pain
There's no love without hate
Everything you give comes right back to you
But overseeing and space and time
Turning water into wine
There's a power looking down upon us now
But how do i find out
A way to say what i have to say

Chorus
So please
please tell me what i need
I'm asking please
oh please
tell me what i need to believe

We made fire from the flame
You put out our wicked games
All we wanted was to be close to you

But you're always in control
pulling strings over our souls
though we have
we're never alone now
but how do i find out
a way to say what i have to say

Chorus
If love is a temple
Then hope is a church
that binds everybody like the spine of a book
through the pages that cannot be turned
If we're here for a reason
than the reason is ours to know
but to say that it's better to not know and together
we keep living on and weather the storm

Chorus
If love is a temple

Do No Wrong

2012-01-28T00:45:00.002+08:00

I was watching the Aussie Open semi-finals between Andy Murray and Novak Djokovic and something the former did struck me. Actually, something he did over and over again repeatedly made me realise something.

All sports people have a ritual. Some kind of superstitious 'tick' that they do each time they arrive at a point.

In this case, Murray had this thing going where he touches his cap, wipes sweat off his brow and swipes his forehead and all, before serving.

It reminded me that Rafael Nadal also has a 'tick ritual' each time it's his turn to serve.

And Djokovic has a ritual of copying, even to a point of parodying other tennis stars' rituals prior to serving.

So in saying that, why should I 'mind' my little ritual of drying my goggles, pushing my hair off my forehead and pushing myself off the pool wall when I swim?

Only One

2012-01-26T22:32:00.007+08:00

I've always regarded the Lunar New Year as a second chance to usher in a new year. Geddit? And now that it has come and gone (although some may dispute that its 15-day mandatory celebration makes it not really over, per se) I've come to realise there was nothing different I would do to welcome it in...again.

It seems, the older you get, the choice of celebration becomes more boring, mundane and monotonous. Gone are the days when we rush around as a family, visiting 'friends' and relatives, exchanging mandarins, ang pous and wishes, however hypocritically superstitious it may sound coming out of our mouths. Still, at least there was something to celebrate/do.

These days, with the estranged relations between our one Chinese link in the family -- my uncle's family and grandmother, it's become a forced ritual done for the sak

e of doing something familiar, something to remind us of the joys of yesteryears, to join in the 'crowd', to celebrate it like any normal family would etc.

I don't have an opinion on whether we should or shouldn't celebrate it at all. I don't have a problem if we don't. In fact, its as if the older you get, you don't look forward to it being a celebration of sorts. It is received as a holiday to rest. Although in my line of work, I doubt the term rest even has a relevance at all. Right, "r-e-s-t"...how?

So which do I prefer? I enjoyed those days when either one of my parents dragged us around to celebrate the occasion and collect extra pocket money. I am not complaining if I don't visit anyone at all either. It doesn't really matter, which is probably the main point here. Why doesn't it?

Should it?

Sometimes I feel as if the traditions need to continue simply because my mom misses it. She's celebrated in in so many different contrasting ways, with so many personalities that has crossed her path in life. Makes me wonder which she prefers?

I caught her watching a silly Hongkie game/magic show the other day. As if she missed those days of innocence when traditionally what you do on the LNY is wake up, wish your parents all the luck and respect in the world, receive your packets, camp in front of the telly to celebrate with other Chinese folk around the world by watching their antics...

Sumthin' Wicked This Way Comes

2012-01-10T02:09:00.002+08:00

I thought I was going to have a calm week.

But now, I have a spa to look forward to.

And an MPO weekend.

Eeek...excited? Hell yea.

You know, sometimes when you're thrown a bone, you just gotta stop wondering why and seize the opportunist luck of the draw.

Time to get out of the zone.

But one day at a time

What You Know

2012-01-06T01:08:00.002+08:00

Wow...record breaking feat - a second post in as many days!

I am amazed at the amount of traffic I see at this time of the day/night/dawn.

And I kinda had an epiphany of thoughts in the shower: I am not going to renew, should I be asked to do what I am doing now. I think I have leeway not to accept. I want to do what I thrive at. What I am good at and know I am great at. I don't want to shortchange people. I don't enjoy the work. What can I say, I tried it for a year. The only part of it that I enjoy?

My regular man. Sometimes. Most of the time. Of late.

Otherwise, I don't find a hint of pleasure in it.

At all.

And I think it's time I decide for the long term. Instead of settling.

Superman

2012-01-05T02:31:00.004+08:00

It's day 5...and I'm still going strong with my 'absolution'.

I think this can be it!

I Don't Want To Talk About It

2012-01-03T00:30:00.003+08:00

Friendship is a funny ol' thing.

I have 2 friends whom I've known since forever. And if you knew my age, you'd understand why I say forever.

But here's the delectable thing about our friendship -- we meet once a year. Really.

It's not like we hate each other. Or can't stand one another. It's a mystery, really. I can't explain why we continue to keep this bond or even how.

We usually meet at the end of the year or the beginning of the year, as our birthdays fall in November and December respectively.

And we never fail to get each other presents, either for the birthdays or Christmas!

We sit and chat, catching up on life, husband, nieces, nephews, jobs, irritating colleagues and bosses, parents, family, food, experiences, the whole works.

At times, we just let the silence dwell between us. Comfortably.

I was afraid, as we kept our distance, we'd drift away like dandelions in the wind.

But somehow, someday, someone will make the initiative and call for a reunion.

We'll catch up and then bitch some more.

16 years is a long time.

And I'm so proud of the fact that we're adults about this friendship because it is what it is, just because we want it to be the way that it IS.

It compliments our personalities.

It's different.

It's real.

Friendship is a funny ol' thing.

Feel

2012-01-01T00:55:00.003+08:00

I missed an entire month!

Was that procrastination on my part, or was I simply too busy??

I had wanted to write some recollection of the year here, before the turn of a new set of 12 months. But didn't know what to write and how much I should've written.

It's kinda cliched writing a post, an hour past the turn of a new cast of 365 days to contend with. Why is it that I don't feel anything for this time of the year?

The trifecta effect -- X'mas, Birthday & New Year always fails to 'get' to me. I don't know why I want it to 'get' at me. I think because it 'gets' to others so much, people are so into it all the time, commercial pressure, you could say.

To me, it's just another weekend/day....is that so bad?

I have a blase attitude to it and a whole collection of other emotion-filled conditions.....I'm feel-less, so to speak...and thus, this is the apt theme of this post.

Less attention seeker, more me....happy new year~

Don't Stop Me Now

2011-11-22T00:34:00.002+08:00

Why do I constantly feel anxious these days?

I'm short fused psychotically, and always 'fighting' with trust issues against colleagues.

I already don't trust people easily and that fear of being let down, disappointed just keeps surfacing these days.

The feeling of a lack of control is consuming me.

And I hate it!

But, why so disgruntled?

D'ya Know What I Mean

2011-10-28T02:25:00.002+08:00

Hey Olly,

As far as I can remember, (and it's not very far back since I've been on board) I've never completed my tasks earlier than midnight. With that said, it doesn't mean I've set a precedent on not sending it out earlier. Ideally I'd love to break the boundaries of time. But we all know the world isn't a perfect place. (Un)like yourself, I don't just have 1 task to do in a day. I have a mountain-load, and don't expect you to comprehend what sort of time management it takes to get everything done to the best of my ability, perhaps even more, and in the process try to please all parties involved..to which I regard as futile.

But I try.

Again, I don't see how you can understand that when you run your mouth off without thinking. (I've been there!) Perhaps, now you would have learnt that it doesn't pay to talk/write/text before you have had the time to think things through. And over again.

At least I hope so.

In addition, I don't know if your lack of trust in my team or myself is more insulting. Little do you realize that we all are aware of your strengths (and glaring weaknesses). And we don't aim to play on those vulnerabilities, at least on purpose.

We leave that to the weak to display it themselves.

We don't thrive on making people look bad contrary to popular misrepresentation. The regret after the event is enough for us to share for weeks and months to come.

And for you to state that my action (or lack thereof) displays a drop in standards is laughable. Firstly, how so?

In a way, it sounds more like a very loud admission on your part in terms of quality. My consolation is that at least you know where you actually stand.

In a typical case of pot calling the kettle black, so was the label of unprofessionalism. Stop being so hard on yourself!

I can excuse the anxiety and "over-riding passion," but for someone like yourself, an unsuccessful ex-pro to be alarmingly selfish without knowing the black & white of a situation is akin to persecuting a rape victim for killing her rapist. Or imprisoning a juvenile for stealing medicine for his ailing mother. Or killing a dog because you thought he was savaging a baby when in fact, he was saving the child from a burning building.

Excuse the drama.

There's a difference between not putting up with mediocrity and being a melodramatic diva.

It usually takes a diva to realize they are only mediocre, as far as class is concerned too.

This is Our Song

2011-10-14T22:28:00.004+08:00

So I was driving home when I had an idea to do a list.

One that reflects on my favourite songs of ALL TIME.

I was listening to my compilation of Oasis songs at the time.

Champagne Supernova.

And I realised how I knew the lyrics to the entire song. The whole damn thing!

Wow.

But Champagne Supernova isn't my favourite song, of all time.

But I must say I enjoyed singing the whole damn thing on my way home. It's so catchy.

Then I couldn't help making a list in my head of the other songs I think would be in that list of favourites.

Ambitiously, I wanted to make a list of 20. Then I thought perhaps 5 would suffice.

So in no particular random order, MY picks are:

-Blurry by Puddle of Mudd

-Two Steps Behind by Def Leppard

-Champagne Supernova by Oasis

-November Rain by Guns N Roses

-Turning Tables by Adele

Now, I'll be contemplating why these songs made the shortlist. I may even expand it to 10 songs. It's better off as a round figure, right?

Hmmm...and what about movies?

Oh no...

Night Of The Hunter

2011-09-02T23:26:00.002+08:00

I don't profess to KNOW him personally.

But from all the interviews I've heard or seen, of him and his band - in which he does the majority of the talking usually - Jared Leto seems like a deep, intelligent, mysterious but insightful human being.

You can't help but be drawn to his creativity, his sarcasm, his humor, his demeanor.

At least I know I can't.I've just listened to this very interesting interview:

http://www.facebook.com/notes/30-seconds-to-mars/bbc-radio1-stories-thirty-seconds-to-mars/10150361631041416

...and it has only proven my assumptions more right than maybe, on how much admiration, respect, hope, awe he has garnered for all his work, be it as a humanitarian, photographic artist, musician, film actor.

His words are like new meaning at times, despite it being a sentence or phrase that any regular person would and could say to you in passing.
His intelligence knows no bounds.
It is as if he doesn't need to even try hard at all of it.
It sorta comes naturally.
Because people who do try their darnest best at being half of what he is, don't even succeed...
But what else is there to say about justifying my wonder of this man?
He looks awesome, he sounds equally, if not slightly better, than he looks - if that is even remotely possible.
His insights are unique, sensible and food for thought most of the time.
How does someone become like that?I don't think 8 added years of experience and talent would be such a chasm between a person's character.

And how is it that you actually find yourself relating to what he says?
I find myself chuckling at some of the testimony by the echelon, who say they find their lives changed after discovering the band.
And upon reading what I've just written here, I actually run the risk of being one of the guilty.
Not that my life HAS changed since discovering his music and him.
It hasn't. Really.
But you can't doubt the admiration, the feeling of 'fulfillment', I don't even know if that's the right word to use in describing it, awe (now, that's the only term I reckon fits the proper description here), superiority....have you ever come across someone who takes your breath away and makes you smile at the sound of their voice, at the same time....

Night of the Hunter

We're On the Ball

2011-08-22T00:57:00.004+08:00

It's the second week of the new English Premier League footie season.

And usually, I don't affiliate myself with a team in this league.

Simply because I no longer enjoy the brutish way it's played.

It is faster, yes. Technically and tactically, it doesn't wow me.

So in order to stay interested in the progress of this season, only because I have to, I'm contemplating which team will be the most interesting to pick from.

I wholeheartedly cannot pick defending champs United because they're simply a team you don't support unless you're a die-hard, long term fan of years past.

That also kicks out City, but only because they're the easy pick for glory hunters. They have a money-making machine to make all the other supporters highly envious. I enjoy watching Kun Aguero play. And I admire what Roberto Mancini did with Lazio and to an extent Inter Milan. But the wealth just makes it quite impossible to allow me any leeway of fanaticism with them.

I'm going to rule out Liverpool on the onset simply because I wasn't very impressed with Kenny Dalglish when I met him.

And don't even get me started on Arsenal. The whole damn team plus management is so jaded at the moment, it's a depressing place to be in.

I am very interested in what Andre Villas Boas may do at Stamford Bridge but Chelsea is the past Manchester City. They spent so much money previously. I can't tell what the current regime is up to but they're threading very gently in the transfer stakes this season...gingerly even, to an extent. So I'm undecided over them.

I'll rule out the likes of QPR despite it being under local ownership so to speak these days. Norwich and Swansea is also on the long shot list.

Blackburn, Fulham & WBA, I am not even going to consider for lack of interest completely.

I am equally uninterested in Villa, Stoke, Sunderland and Wigan. They're all potential mid-table teams. Unimaginative. Boring personalities in the managers. Mediocre reputation.

Wolves has a colorful manager at the helm. But soon enough, they should amount to nothing as well. Reminds me of how they swayed up and down the table last season.

Bolton is surprisingly under consideration. They have a hard working manager which rubs off on the team. Industrious is probably a good word to describe the way they play.

Then there's Spurs. Vocal manager, decent players, potential surpri-zers...but they've always been the underdogs' choice.

Newcastle and Everton are also perennial underachievers. Their managers just don't cut it. Even this season. Joey Barton makes a great advert for the Magpies but not enough to get you to root the team throughout the entire season. Moyes, could be in for some trouble this season, considering he's kinda like the poor man's Arsenal.

And what about Stoke?

Perhaps it'll be a toss-up between Bolton, Stoke and Spurs....who knows, maybe all 3 are worth looking into..?

Decisions, decisions...

Oh What A Night!

2011-07-29T01:34:00.003+08:00

It was meant to be a historic night of epic proportions.

Witnessing so many ground breaking wonders at one go fills you with so much awe, you're spoilt for choice in deciding what and how you should react to differing occurrences.

It was sad to see sore losers reacting in the way which they did.

It was disheartening how inconsiderate folks lost their cool over sport.

There's passion, and there's gamesmanship.

But these were far outweighed by the unity by the echelon that thronged the battle cauldron to cheer on their warriors.

It was emphatic how deafening victory can echo across 90-thousand folks.

And yet, how silent it was when defeat reared its head suddenly.

These are scenes that will always be embedded into my mind's eye.

It will go down as a moment in time I'll cherish and re-tell to everyone who wants to lend me their ears.

That's what experience is for, to be paid forward and so forth.

Oh what a night!

Chains

2011-07-20T22:20:00.003+08:00

Today HE was such an arse.

HE was throwing a diva-kid tantrum of mega proportions.

I don't know if HE realised it, through the jet-lag, sleep deprived condition that HE was in.

But I couldn't have been more disappointed in HIS childish behaviour.

My rationale is that the company pays HIM for a day's job. Therefore what time HE'S been called upon to make an appearance should not matter. HE has a job to tend to. HE'S paid to be there even if it's more than a few hours ahead of the gig.

I've forgotten the amount of times HE'S appeared late for appointments, to which I've turned a blind eye against.

I was super pissed at HIS attitude.

A little bit more moaning and I would've burst into a regrettable foul-mouthed tirade. Which I reckon HE thouroughly deserves.

HE should realize HE is not the only person deprived of sleep, has been over worked and feels overly sensitive as a result.

That's not a good enough reason to sulk.

I don't care for HIS mood swings.

I don't pay HIM to know how he feels.

Frankly, I am very close to losing my patience over the advantage HE'S taken on our friendship/reputation.

I can't see us taking advantage over our reliance on HIM.

I don't recall anything deemed as 'advantage taking'...

But at the end of this very long day, I was left wondering how we can seek alternative help, rather than put up with this situation in which HE holds so much of the advantage over us.

In which we stand to lose a lot more than HIM.

My Way

2011-07-08T01:34:00.003+08:00

There is a difference between wanting things to be done YOUR way and getting things done the RIGHT way.

I feel that emphasizing the former is not healthy because it's your opinion over others. Personal biasness. YOUR way is not necessarily the RIGHT way. It just compliments your need, your ego and your level of comfort, satisfaction, personal taste, preference.

I feel that I am able to flourish under people who trust me to do what I've been hired to do.

And strive to achieve it the RIGHT way.

The same way, the one way everybody else is aiming for, perhaps to a certain degree to excel over and beyond THAT way, THAT target, THAT goal.

YOUR way can't be the RIGHT way.

It seems so but it's not.

Just because you're taught to do things a certain way, it doesn't mean it's RIGHT.

You need to be open to ideas, change, development and yet be practical.

What will happen when you're no longer around?

How will people determine what way is YOUR way, in order to things the RIGHT way?

Senza Nuvole

2011-07-07T15:13:00.001+08:00

Don't you just hate it when things don't go your way?

Let The Music Heal Your Soul

2011-06-29T23:07:00.005+08:00

Music....it's always been special to me.

Music somehow signals different periods of my life, different milestones, marking significant events.

With it, always, comes memories, flooding, rushing back with the emotions from a said moment, still intact, fresh like it was only yesterday.

Thoughts, feelings, basically every human element returns in that flash of the moment, when I hear the starting riff, beat, hum, melody of a familiar tune.

Why does it happen?

Some people associate dates, smells, faces, or simply photos to life events.

Mine's triggered by music - from the starting sounds to November Rain, SWV's Weak, Limp Bizkit's Boiler, High by James Blunt, Iris by Goo Goo Dolls, Dishwalla's Find Your Way Back Home...the list goes on and won't probably end anytime soon.

I reckon my life would end with it.

At times it's the mere lyrics that stick in your mind and reminds you of the people you met, spoke to, hung out with....and other times, a sense of nostalgia seeps into your heart again, reminding you of how you felt when a certain song played in the background, coloring the moment, either as a very apt addition or sometimes too appropriate a conclusion to one of live's episodes.

Forget You

2011-06-27T21:16:00.003+08:00

I had this really cool intro all planned out while in the loo. But now that I'm facing the screen, my tired mind's a blank.

All I can remember is that I had wanted to note how ridiculous it is that I have a distraction to distract my mind from an initial distraction. They're so similar, both forms of distraction that it makes me so blonde!

It really isn't worth having this form of distraction. It doesn't help. It's almost rather idiotic.

Also, I made a pact (well, almost) with myself while on holiday that I'd start rhyming once again, just like how I enjoyed doing it in school. I was reminiscing about the days I'd fill pages after pages, of paper with poems, rhymes, on just about anything! This after completing a test, after I've blown my thoughts out on several pieces of paper explaining to invigilators why I deserve to graduate, why I deserve a chance in this world, as a smarty-pants.

And so, right after I did that pact, I came up with 2 lines.

It was during the first distraction.

And it reads:

Do you think of me
before you sleep at night?
Does it matter
if I might?

After which I've been stuck on what should come next.

I was even modelling these 2 lines after Oasis' D'you Know What I Mean, at one point.

Weird.

That song is so aggressive, to say the least.

And these lines are obviously not....

I am wondering if I'll be able to muster the consistency to do this more frequently -- rhyme.

It does not look very promising as the new season slowly begins.

And all the uncertainty sets in.

Again.

So for another distraction to get my mind off the other 2....perhaps the next lines should be:

Do you think of me
before you sleep at night?
Does it matter
if I might?
More so when you're
out of sight;
Commanding this ever present
lonely plight;
Starring into the absent
but unmistakable light;
How can I
put up a fight?
When it feels wrong
and yet it seems right?

Done! :)

Food For Thought

2011-06-09T11:04:00.004+08:00

Monday
Yong Tau Foo Curry with fat Bihun
Cranberry Yogurt Shake
Honey Hawthorn Juice
Mr Bean Pearl Soya Bandung
Red Rice with 5 Vege ingredients from Boon Lay

Tuesday
XO Fish Slice Bihun
Skewered Bread Rolls, Squid with Ma Po Tofu, Fish and Rice from Chinatown

Wednesday
Louis NY American Italian Margherita Pizza at USS
Corn in a Cup
Heaven & Earth Green Tea
Pastamania Mussels & Clams Linguine

Thursday
Vitamin Water
MOS Burger - Hokkaido Curry Croquette Burger, Fries, Corn Soup

*update: Dim Sum at Changi airport prior to departure

Ode To My Family

2011-05-08T21:18:00.003+08:00

My brother will be getting married soon.

And he's got this video testimonial of sorts from friends and family telling people, explaining who he really is, was and will be...it's meant to be funny, insightful and allows his wife-to-be to know things about his past, his school days, his childhood...cute.

I've done one take on it, blabbering throughout the whole 10 minutes of it, sounding thoroughly negative in the piece. I was with my sister and niece, and on after thought, I did not like what I thought I appeared to be on the video. It felt to me as if I was bitter towards him, probably with a tinge of having woke up on the wrong side of the bed too..My sister on the other hand, had little to say because to be frank, they were not very, very close growing up because of the age gap. I'd like to think they're much closer nowadays, than last time.

So I did my 2nd take, redid it. I had it all rehearsed while I was swimming. For every question I was given previously, I thought through it thoroughly and had it plotted word-for-word in a positive manner, with clearer insight, prompted by my mother who added memories from when I'd forgotten.

But when the time came to it, I reckon I bombed a bit. My well-rehearsed, detailed account of life as we knew it was rushed through faster than a bullet train in Tokyo. Perhaps for fear of losing my train of thought...pun intended. The weird part about having rehearsed it in the pool is the fact that it does not seem natural on camera. How on earth can someone remember so many things in one breath??

And the more I think tortuously about it, the more I regret not adding more snippets. I felt as if the whole 2nd take confessional was a session of tattle-telling on him. Revealing secrets from the past that perhaps he did not want people to know. Or did he?

For example, I 'labelled' him sentimental, creative and charming. I think it describes him somewhat to a tee. But 3 words are just too little to describe someone you've spent 3 decades with! No doubt, they were better than the terms bossy, controlling and meticulous from the 1st take, how can you leave out fiercely loyal, smart, caring, stylish, loving, mild-tempered, inspiring, resilient, determined, workaholic, perfectionist.... ?

My significant memories were just that of the days we were young and carefree. At least they were of moments and not just fictional assumptions based on pictures I have. His account of past conquests were also haphazardly listed for Her knowledge.

And perhaps because I did not over-rehearse my closing, I bumbled through that as well. I didn't have a proper closing or advice for him in the 1st try.

But I wish I could've remembered to say that I hope I've somewhat repaid his trust and confidence in me when he plucked me out of mundane city to do what I'm doing right now. I wish I remembered to mention that he's inspired me in so many ways and no doubt I will miss the times we have debated and discussed passionately on everything and anything. I wish he knew how much I hate to disappoint him, and am trying my hardest to be the person he knows I'm capable of being...also, I wish I had mentioned that I am super proud of his independence and in the way he has carried himself since he's had to 'grow up'...and I can only hope he knows half of it already....

I Don't Care

2011-05-06T22:33:00.003+08:00

Time and time again, I put myself out there and care about something.

And ALWAYS, I'm proven wrong.

I shouldn't have cared.

I shouldn't.

Why do I put myself through this torment?

Is it in my nature?

One thing's for sure, I have to stop.

Because it's futile and fruitless.

From now on, all I should care about is myself.

And family.

Because you can't NOT care about family.

If Brothers and Sisters have thought me anything, it's that caring is all for family.

I won't care about anything else that wastes my time. Ever.

I owe myself that much surely....

High Fashion

2011-04-08T23:39:00.003+08:00

Ah, the high and mighty.

How we admire from afar and envy at a distance....I remember wanting to belong to this class of society. From when I was studying, I've always longed to be a part of the group, sect, community. I wanted to look sophisticated, smart, elegant.

I came across this exact group of people by chance recently.

And I began to wonder how I'd ever wanted to be with people who pretend to like each other socially, but detest and envy the next person from behind closed doors. I think about all the small and baseless chatter that goes on between these people, filling an empty but sad void in their lives, only to show off, compare, compete against each other.

How could someone make that choice to live life like that?

To worry about absolutely trivial things, is but an art.

When all the world's filled with more damning issues and concern, how can the 'race' suddenly be top priority?

I'd gladly choose living life in solitude any day over having to make excuses for airs.

Turning Tables

2011-03-19T20:09:00.002+08:00

Imagine the situation:

You're driving in the middle of the night.
You're on a stretch of the highway with no rest-stop within 10 miles of you.
The car makes an awful screech.
Suddenly your engine dies.
And the car rolls to a halt.
Deafening silence ensues.
You get your phone out of the bag.
Dead battery.
Then it starts to rain.
What do you do?

I've been imagining that exact situation a few times lately. Not that I actually find myself driving alone on a lonely stretch of highway that frequently. Or that I forget to recharge my phone battery constantly.

I don't think it's that kinda message.

It could somehow be a metaphor, psychologically on how I really feel about my life, my situation at the moment.

Trapped between a rock and a hard place.

Do you think anyone would actually stop to lend a hand to the stranded motorist?

In this day and age, its most likely not.

And yet we call ourselves 'more civilised.'

We're also a lot more paranoid, less trusting and pessimistic.

So it's not entirely our fault we don't stop for others when we see a stranded motorist by the side of the road.

We're more likely to be reminded of that horror flick we just saw where the strandee pulls a knife on you and butchers you into pieces before stowing you in the trunk and taking off.

Or that crime drama that sees the distressed rob you and speed away in your car, with your baby in the back seat.

But when YOU are the person in need of help, and realise even you wouldn't stop for you, then what hope have you got in other people's kindness?

There may not be a lot of kindness left in the world, but hope?

Its fast becoming a dirty 4-letter word.

Hope.

Its beyond definition at times.

Its associated with disillusioned people mostly.

And only suckers 'hope.'

It makes the world be much better place than it really is.

It colors the real world.

It's not practical.

Hope.

It's speculative and subjective.

Hope, is like pulling at thin-ice straws when you only have 2 fingers left in a hand...

Who's Gonna Drive You Home?

2011-03-02T00:18:00.002+08:00

It's been 2 MONTHS???

Was time flying or was I procrastinating? Then again, the early parts of the year always slides by in a blink. Once it reaches June and July it slowly dillies its way around the slope, up, up higher. Then once October hits, it will once again swoosh by like a magician's wand over a top hat!

I've been feeling annoyed a lot lately.
Hence the purpose of this blog.
I'm annoyed that I now spend more time in my car fighting traffic, getting lost and being late.
I'm annoyed that most drivers are not as astute as they'd like to think they are.
I'm annoyed by the lack of control I have over my life at the moment.
I'm annoyed that the cloth in my bathroom gets wet.
I'm annoyed about the line of ants that constantly crawl the corner of my wall, all the way behind the mirror and onto the sink bowl.
I'm annoyed that the water in my bathroom reeks at times.
I'm annoyed I have not been paid for 2 months.
I'm annoyed we have yet to receive a proper camera bag.
I'm annoyed that at times the Internet connection upstairs ceases to exist.
I'm annoyed that my mother keeps pestering/reminding/comparing our Internet service and that of Unifi.
I'm annoyed I have not been on a real proper holiday for so long.
I'm annoyed that I will no longer be doing FFT-EZ.
I'm annoyed that my new phone at times shuts down automatically after its battery has been charged.
I'm annoyed that I do not have any other choice right now but to stick to what I am doing even though I do not enjoy it at the moment.

The people around me makes the situation a lot more bearable.
Some people.
Otherwise....

But yeah, it has got me thinking, wondering and even pondering where my real future lies?
What is really in store for me in 3 month's time?
There's rumors flying about which I desist to believe.
At least until I see the truth for myself.
The status quo as it is, is very confounded.
One minute there's a whole lot of things to get done.
The next, I'm basically surplus to requirements.

I think the whole annoyance stems from not being paid for 2 months and making my mind on whether I truly want to continue working while not being paid.
Then, there's the fact that I was told I would be doing something else. And now I'm not exactly doing it.

Perhaps the lack of a comfort zone annoys me.

Because I hate making calls to people or pleading/asking/inquiring with these government-like institutions about 'stars'.
I couldn't give two-hoots if we get to speak to them.
But why do people constantly give me that task.
I have never dreamed of being a 'salesman'...should I make sure its imprint is bold on my resume??

Even if its all about the disappearance of a comfort zone, surely two months helps me rediscover a new border?

Then again, maybe I've already discovered that border, only to be informed I have to re-distinguish the lines of separation!

I'm annoyed my mum's got the cough.
I'm annoyed I don't get to go to Italy this year.
I'm frustrated my Internet downloads things like real slowly.
I'm annoyed I don't get to make swimming more of a habit ... when I only have 3 more months to shape up...

The Flood

2011-01-01T00:24:00.002+08:00

I spent the first minute of the new year in the toilet....wondering why the hell people make the conscious decision to 'ring' in a new turn of 365 days, with loud noise and colorful lights.

Do they know its a combination of noise and air pollution when they blast crackers and shoot lights into the sky?

I kinda know why firecrackers are cracked during the Lunar New Year. Was this practice emulated by the Western world, with similar effects?

Is there something we're sub-consciously trying to ward off by making loud noise and lighting flames that color the sky in multiple shades?

Isn't that just being a tad superstitious?

Or did I just sound like a New Year's grinch?

Celebrating the new year is kinda like Valentine's day and birthdays....if you think about it. The 365th day of the current year or the 1st of the following year is deemed the most special ...but why?

Isn't that being biased? Shouldn't EVERYDAY be appreciated?

Why are chocolates and flowers and gifts appropriate for the person you love on V-day/birthdays?

That's not being thoughtful...its more an excuse to forget and ill-treat/mis-treat people on every other day...

White Lies

2010-12-29T20:49:00.004+08:00

I think I've been lied to.

But I just don't know it yet.

How do you determine if you've been white-lied to or just fooled out right?

Maybe its because I've tried my utmost best to live without having to lie to anybody, ever, since I can remember.

And when I'm faced with liars, its.... sad.

Because that is the one sin, crime, weakness I cannot tolerate, ever.

I've been lied to before, hence the trust issues I have and my insecuruties.

I don't like being lied to, who does?

That probably explains why I'm fascinated by the drama series Lie to Me.

Still, I guess I'll just have to wait till the bomb drops.

And that sucks!

Emotion Sickness

2010-12-09T22:44:00.002+08:00

I started working after I finished high school.

It was at a cafe, in Sunway Pyramid. It sold coffee, drinks and cakes.

Kinda like your smaller, average version of Starbucks...

After I left the place to continue my studies, it tanked, seized operations, shutdown.

I ended up in another coffee house not too long after that. This time, it was situated in Carrefour. This cafe served cooked food too so there was a kitchen and all.

But after I left, it went belly up and closed for good too.

I then worked in an IT company, dealing with software for PDAs and mobile phones. Left that place after my couple of months, and it too crashed and burnt.

By now, I was wondering if it was somehow a sign of things to come...

My next pursuit was another IT-sorta company, a science and technology centered one which dealt with the government...and as usual, that organization also seized operations after the owner was found to have committed some kinda fraud...

There were other 'normal' job pursuits in between but at this time, those glaringly stand out.

I did leave 2 potentially excellent work places to explore some of the above.

But they were eventually dead-end stuff.

The kind you could walk in and polish your nails for all that mattered and still got paid at the end of the month.

I got out of that rut into this...something I poured myself into, only to have to saddest of consequences to it.

What's overwhelming is the concern from so many fronts that I was getting, as a result and it's touching too, to feel the impact you have made on so many people, the reputation you've created for yourself and its effects.

It makes me proud of the being I've become. And its got me ready to scale another peak, reach out and plan new goals for the future.

So what if its a clean slate you'll be working on.

A painter has to wash his easel once in a while and start on a blank canvas, right?

Beautiful Tree

2010-12-03T00:25:00.002+08:00

It says a lot about a series when you suddenly hear of it being chopped mid-season.

But how do you select which series has staying power and which is just meant to be a run-of-the-mill kind?

So many 'cool' shows have come and gone before us.

My-so-called-life is one of them.

Although if I had to be really honest, Claire Danes' acting was atrocious, compared to what she gives us these days in movies.

Then, there's the sci-fi Roswell.

It's the first time I was introduced to Shiri Appleby...a certain Kat Heigl was also in this shortlived series.

Funny how their future has panned out.

Heigl went on to star in THE drama of our times, Grey's Anatomy.

While where's Appleby?

In yet another almost certain shortlived attempt at being dramatic.

In both series, she plays this confused but controlling individual, unsure of the un-requitted love situation she finds herself in.

Again, to be honest, she does not maketh a good actress.

If I had to compare the show with all the rest that have and are buzzing the screens i.e. Brothers & Sisters, Grey's Anatomy, Mad Men, Breaking Bad, Dexter, CSI, Law & Order, etc.

Those are all long-surviving shows that have stood the test of time.

omething Life Unexpected, is unlikely to do.

Then, there's another series which I think is a lot better but may also get the chop - Parenthood.

Starring among many others, Lauren Graham of Gilmore Girls fame.

Its pretty star studed if you ask me - Monica Potter, Peter Krause, Erika Christensen and Dax Shephard of MTV-fame are also in it..

Now, this is a decent enough show, although Lauren is kinda reprising her role here as being a hapless mom to a teenage daughter.

ut the story line, plot, dialogue and characters are pretty interesting enough to keep me following the forthcoming episodes.

I have to admit I'm kinda rolling off LU because not only do I see 1 actress failing badly in...acting, the lead kid role played by Brittany Robertson is also atrociously carried out.

It's all in the face.

Her expressions are off key. Made up. Pretend. And although in reality they're all that, as viewers we're not meant to notice that first, before the storyline.

Pity though. I was enjoying some of the characters and what they were going through ...but I guess when a series starts out kinda pointless and summable in 1 season, it kinda beats the purpose of dragging it along.

What else can you explore in the storyline of an adopted kid, finds her biological parents and returns to live with them? In one season she has already ironed out all the teen issues she's had to adapt with her real parents. In addition, all the relationship issues of hoping the 'family' gets back together was also dealt with.

In its second season now, the series is more about how the mom is dealing with her relationships...and that's not what this show set out be be about, is it?

Sanvean

2010-11-24T23:28:00.003+08:00

I think sometimes we over achieve, way beyond our capability.

And that sets you up for disappointment.

But what's life if you don't strive to do one better than what you've already achieved?

Is it better to lie low and be content with what you know you can do?

Or aim higher but reach for realistic goals?

Or even go for the sky and make sure you get there?

What if you don't?

Do you try and try again? What for?

Only to be shattered by the disappointment, and be on your way to becoming cynical?

Realise your true potentianl and what you're not capable of doing?

Be told you're just not good enough, you're short of becoming the best?

Doesn't the inability to achieve these goals just failure?

Sad failure?

What's so motivating about that??

Iridescent

2010-11-21T20:56:00.003+08:00

I did completely nothing this weekend.

Absolutely nothing...and it felt nice.

At least it was nothing of work. Just the gym, movies, series, tv, food, sleep, music...the new LP song is so cool:

(When you were standing in the wake of devastation
When you were waiting on the edge of the unknown
And with the cataclysm raining down
Your insides crying, "Save me now"
You were there, impossibly alone.

Do you feel cold and lost in desperation?
You build up hope, but failures all you've known.
Remember all the sadness and frustration
And let it go.
Let it go.

And in a burst of light that blinded every angel
As if the sky had blown the heavens into stars
You felt the gravity of tempered grace
Falling into empty space
With no one there to catch you in their arms.

Do you feel cold and lost in desperation?
You build up hope, but failures all you've known.
Remember all the sadness and frustration
And let it go.
Let it go.

Let it go.
Let it go.
Let it go.
Let it go.)

That's what the weekend should be about I think...

although more of that and I'd probably be lazier than I already am.

But it feels as if it was meant to be the calm before the storm...the year end storm.

...............I also can't wait to shop for Christmas!!!!

Can't Tell the Bottom From the Top

2010-10-23T19:37:00.002+08:00

15 days of craziness, anxiety, culture-shock, learning, adapting, being mesmerized, being confused and confusing others, worry and then there's also friendship, admiration, fun, laughter, tolerance, hospitality, history and so much more.

Its definitely an interesting experience to have with me, to be told and reiterated many, many times over till the end of my days.

Its the kind of exprience that you'll never forget. This is also because I never in my life ever planned to visit India. There was no interest, intrigue or even wonder. And a small part of me even thought of switching the plans around because I dreaded the idea of having to meet new people and tolerate quirks.

But I'm glad I didn't, for I wouldn't have had the chance to meet the great folks I met, see the marvelous things I saw, ate the weird and delectable foods I tasted, visited culturally-awed locations that have been talked about by many.

You combine all that and it makes it almost worthy of the horrific trafic, the bad manners of the uncivilized, the smell, the pollution, the long hours of travel, the disappointment of not getting more than we should.

At least I got the chance to visit the Taj Mahal.

I can say I survived the horrendous traffic situation in Delhi.

I spent time at the new IGIA.

I was at the 2010 Commonwealth Games. It ain't the World Cup. It ain't the Olympics.

It isn't even Europe...

But, not many people have a chance to say as much, do they?

Not Afraid

2010-10-04T01:17:00.005+08:00

I don't think I'll ever get it.
I hope I do eventually.
But the odds are stacked I reckon.

The irony is, the people here contradict themselves.

On the one hand, they're languid in motion, slow and steady, super slow and procrastinators.

And on the other, they drive like crazy mad hatters on the road.
They honk like there's no tomorrow.
They want to always pass the person in front of them.
There's no second guessing or patience there...

They persevere like nobody i.e. the street vendors and kids.
And that's probably because they have no choice.

There's no care towards their heritage and history.
But they are severely patriotic.
Its the first time I've seen that many locals visiting their own historical tourist destination!

If there's one thing they really don't give a damn, its hygiene.
Filth is all around, all because they really don't give 2 hoots about cleanliness.

Since I've been here, there's never a day I do not see a man urinating in the streets.
You'd think toilets were obsolete in this age and time, in India...

Then again, there's just too many people around here, and too little resources.
Too little jobs, public transportation, houses, food.
You name it, they don't have it.

And the ones who do give a damn?
They're the minorities....

The Catalyst

2010-08-26T01:19:00.008+08:00

Here's my current dilemma.

On the one hand I love Mourinho.

He's special for a reason.

His achievements knows not bounds.

And you can't take that away from him.

And then there's Guardiola.

He's God Hot. And his success wasn't a fluke.

It wasn't.

Repeating a 5-trophy haul is difficult.

Extremely.

Even Fergie is still trying to repeat his treble feat.

But since Macca and Raul, there isn't anyone else I like in Los Blancos.

I try to follow Gago but he's not a sure-starter.

I want to follow Casillas and Ramos but they've slowly becoming too commercial.

After Spain became World Champions.

Then, there's C-Ron.

The current title holder for "The Player You Love To Hate."

I don't dislike any of the players in Barca.

But I can't even name their starting 11 (Valdes, Puyol, Pique, Xavi, Iniesta, Messi, Ibrahimovic?, Pedro?...)

Not that I can name Real's starting 11 off the top of my head (Casillas, Ramos, Higuain, Ronaldo, Kaka, Diarra?, De la Red??...)

So what IS a fan to do????

Safe From Harm

2010-08-24T01:02:00.002+08:00

...in spite of everything 'he's done for me'...

Those words boil my blood. What the hell HAS he EVER done for me???

I'm talking about a disagreement I had yesterday, which I'm sure will keep me up all night, only because I've not been allowed to have my REAL say. Don't you just hate those kinds of situations?

Why I didn't say anything more than what I already did was only because if I did, there would never be an end to it. And at times like these, someone has to be the more mature one and back off.

But seriously, how is it that a person gets so damn self centered and full of themselves?

I've never met anyone so darned headstrong that the only frequency they can hear is their own voice.

Don't get me wrong. I tried to justify myself. But it was unheard of. To him. There was no room for discussion with HIM. And he has the galls to say I didn't want to discuss about what I did?

As I recall, the conversation started with him asking me why I am going Scottish.
I explained myself.
He said he still didn't understand.
So I said, he had to see it to understand better.
And that was the end of the conversation.
He did not ask anymore OR help himself to the clip so that he could understand better.
He just continued to sit on his ass and wonder.
Did he expect me to feed him the tape?
Why couldn't he get it himself?
Has he no legs?

And when I asked him what the real deal was with his sulkiness, he blamed in on the fact that I changed his lines without telling him about it.
As far as I'm concerned, it was there for the entire 2 hours while he was watching his movie.
Why wasn't he checking them out?
And that was only one quarter of it.
He brought the sulking to a whole new level on the show by making it last the entire 30 minutes.

Frankly it was excrutiating but I wasn't in front of the camera and if it was that bad, he had all the control and power in the world to change it and keep these things behind the scenes.
As far as I'm concerned, he chose not to and wanted to prove something.
What, I will not know till he realises it himself.
Unfortunately, I don't think he's brave enough to admit what he really feels.

But he does it instead by complaining. criticising and demanding his way, which is reminiscent of a temperamental kid.
And truth be told, he will remain this way till he's bold enough to stop blaming everything else and face up to the real deal. Which I'm sure he won't, because that is the sort of person he's become.
Or rather he is and always have been.

Sad really, to see so much potential go down the toilet just because of a mid-life crisis.

And I thought females were the weaker gender emotionally...

Whatever We Are

2010-08-22T12:43:00.007+08:00

This past couple of weeks have been about weddings.

Not mine. Just family and friends.

On the family front, thankfully its going slow.

Don't get me started on the friend front....

My brother finally picked out a place with his fiancee, for the wedding dinner.

It's got quite a regal theme to it, the place, not the dinner. Not quite what I pictured his "kind' of wedding to be. But then again, he rarely ceases to amaze me, I shouldn't be surprised at being surprised by him...

Got me thinking if I knew what kind of wedding/theme I actually have in mind. More so, since my friend's wedding is also looming closer and even though I get to see only bits of how she's organized it, its enough to 'teach' you how NOT to run one.

Then, I had a marathon of Life Unexpected Season 1...there's Cate and Ryan's wedding being planned and discussed in there.

Plus, my sis says she's never been into those huge-@$$ed organized celebrations for a wedding...so why not delve into the topic?

And as a footnote, I never, ever saw myself as a Megan Fox kinda person...but I agree with the lady on that beach wedding she had. Comparing it with what E! put on about Hilary Duff and Carrie Underwood's nuptials...Fox's idea was 'holy-smokes'...for me...I mean, c'mon, what else could possibly beat an intimate affair at one of the nicest, calmest/serene/tranquil, beautiful, location than a beach?

You'd have to work hard at convincing me against it...plus, it's not very commonly done (only God knows why!), and what's not to like about the unpredictability of the weather on your specially chosen date?

Leave Out All The Rest

2010-08-13T00:57:00.003+08:00

I'm not one to settle.

I don't think I'll ever be.

So if people can't deal with that, they can sod off!

So The Story Goes

2010-07-31T21:37:00.005+08:00

So day 4 of my break was as uneventful as the rest.

Couldn't hide my excitement for Friday when I had to relieve her. Still, I'm not ashamed to be labeled a workaholic. It's not always that you find someone who truly enjoys what they do.

And contrary to popular belief, I am not hiding anything.

Is it that strange to actually enjoy and want to do well in your career/job?

You wouldn't believe how many people think it strange...I think it's even more weird that you'd want to do what you detest as a career/job...

Break

2010-07-28T20:49:00.002+08:00

Day 3.

At least I had something to do today.
Something more.
Went to the gym.
Spent more than 30 minutes there.
Yaay.

Then we had a movie appointment.
Inception!
And what a show that turned out to be.
Mind blowing, interesting, suspenseful, the works.
I'm glad I watched it.

My car dealer also called to say I'll be able to get my car sooner rather than later.
Yipes!

And my bride pal checked in to make sure my dress was all done for her wedding.
Besides ranting about the problems she was having with the other bridesmaids.
Hmm...

That's what happens when you lose control.

Vacation

2010-07-27T21:32:00.004+08:00

Day 2.
Went to the gym.
Spent 30 minutes there.
Then, had myself measured by the tailor who's preparing my Kebaya.

Went to the office with the intention of clearing my mailbox.
BUT the internet was wonky.
So couldn't get that done.
Instead, ended up helping out at the office cos everything was down.
Focused on the intern who was in charge of graphics.

The show went on fine.
Didn't stay for the second one.

I hope it went equally well.

Holiday

2010-07-26T20:34:00.002+08:00

First day off.

In a while.

Pretty slow moving, dull, leisurely.

Problem is, I don't do things at 20 km/h.

I'm used to doing things at a much faster pace.

Much, much faster....

Went for a movie. Made a mistake at not going to the gym first.

I think it would have woken me up. Even if its just a little.

The movie was great and all.

After that, spent the time at home, in front of the internet.

Read my papers.

Fought to stay awake.

Replied my emails.

Downloaded Filezilla for the office Mac.

Felt like sleeping early cos watching Astro is boring.

Hmmm...so much for a holiday.

I think my heart rate just slowed...

Superman Tonight

2010-06-26T13:51:00.006+08:00

I've never supported any other national football team besides Italy.

There's something about them which peaked my admiration ever since I made alliances with any national side at the World Cup, let alone any international competition.

It's always been Italy during the World Cup and European Championships.

And if I had to pick sides during the Copa America, then Argentina is my choice.
(I don't know why both coincidentally wear shades of blue.)

Still, while most may be talking about Portugal's 7-0 thrashing of North Korea, France's demise so early in this year's competition or even Spain's 1-0 loss to the Swiss, I'm busy picking up on the reaction after Italy were sent packing home by Slovakia.

And I think what's happened to Italy (and France) is good.

Yes, Marcello Lippi made the biggest mistake by returning after the World Cup win in Berlin. It was equivalent to Sir Alex Ferguson's decision to stick around even when it was obvious he should have left after the 1999 treble winning feat.

Lippi picked a relatively old team too.
He brought inexperienced youngsters as well.
He did not have a game plan.

Some called it a vanity project, aiming to defend the title with hidden arrogance so as not to appear smug should the plan fail.

The blame game doesn't stop at Lippi alone.

Blogs inundate criticism at Juve's upcoming midfield maestro Claudio Marchisio, Andrea Pirlo and Gianluigi Buffon's injury and Vicenzo Iaquinta's ineptness to name but a few.

I look at the 23 men chosen and am shocked I don't recognise more than 11 of them.

And when that happens, I think you KNOW 'your team' is in trouble.
This is the Azzuris we're talking about here.
The 4-time champs and defending ones at that.
If it was Switzerland, Chile or even North Korea, it would've been more understandable.

But not for a returning champ.
Brazil, Germany, Spain, Portugal, Holland, France, England and Argentina are also in this cluster of 'popular' teams any football fan should be able to pick out a first 11 easily.

I follow the Serie A avidly, and unless the other 12 players of the 23 are superstars in other superior leagues, I couldn't for the life of me point out what position they played in with their clubs.

Even more so when NO players were from the Italian champions. Okay, so Marco Materazzi and Mario Balotelli are the ONLY worthy Italians in Jose Mourinho's championship winning team. It says a lot about the state of the league and its policy on foreign players.

Spain has 6 Barcelona players in their first 11.

Italy had 3 Milanistas, 1 Giallorossi and 2 from Sampdoria who finshed 4th in the league.

There were 5 Juventus players in the team.
The Old Lady of Turin finished 7th.

Villarreal finished 7th in La Liga.
Only 1 was called up by Vicente del Bosque.

It was a doomed project before the team even booked their tickets to South Africa.

Plus, there was a new coach waiting in the wings already, regardless of what happens in Africa.

Similar to the situation in Les Bleus' camp, you have to wonder if the move provided good motivation to the incumbent?

Sure, the winning coach would have bragging rights, an even bloated reputation and an impressive CV. And there'll be more expectations on their predecessors Cesare Prandelli and Laurent Blanc too.

But otherwise, Lippi and Domenech would still be without a job.

At least this way, their replacements kinda have a new canvas to work on.

New colors to splash on that canvas to create THEIR team for the upcoming challenges.

And who knows, maybe a championship winning team in 2012...because they can't possibly do worse than the current crop, right?

I Still...

2010-06-20T14:52:00.006+08:00

Had a very interesting conversation with a friend yesterday.

And he had very relevant questions put to me:

The one that stuck is :-

"Am I a big fish in a small pond? or a small fish in a big pond?"

Am I Kaka in Real Madrid or AC Milan?

Flamini in Arsenal or AC Milan?

Adebayor in Arsenal or Manchester City?

Steven Gerrard in Liverpool or being courted by Real Madrid?

Carlos Tevez in Manchester United or Manchester City?

The Middle

2010-06-11T23:59:00.003+08:00

You know how the saying goes, "you reap what you sow"..

Well, I saw it in action for the very first time today. And its quite humbling an act, although it does not affect me directly. I kinda feel sorry for the person who's got to reap their sowings...

But the saying "do unto others as you'd have others do unto you" also comes to mind here.

If you'd led a good, kind, humble, respectable life, then life would never treat you badly.

But you lie, you're hypocritical, you dramatize, you're troublesome....not many will pretend to be your friend when the end is nigh.

And I thought the people I work with were not like that. I thought they'd turn a blind eye and hold their breath and put up their fake grins for a colleague in wolf clothings.

Well, little did I know they were not that.... forgiving?

Perhaps the opening match of the world cup did not help matters.

And like I said, I actually feel compassionate for her although I know she does not deserve it.

It's also pretty eye-opening to note that there are people who would pretend to be nice, more than I'm willing to pretend.

I don't let bygones be bygones in this case.

Especially with deceit.

I don't forgive in this situation because I can't forget.

Perhaps I've forgiven but my memory is still strong, fresh from that day.

And there's no just cause in granting forgetfullness here.

The Day I Tried To Live

2010-06-09T14:30:00.002+08:00

...still contemplating!

I of the Mourning

2010-05-29T17:58:00.002+08:00

....mourning the future

Arrivederci, Leo!

2010-05-15T16:12:00.002+08:00

Beautiful Ones

2010-05-09T18:53:00.006+08:00

I'm not going anywhere.
I don't plan to.
I don't want to.
I love the status quo.

LOVE.

I have decided.
I'm here for better or worse.

Scream

2010-04-25T15:28:00.006+08:00

We used to be THREE points behind.

Now we're trailing by NINE points and are not the ONLY team giving Inter a run for their treble winning money.

How did it all unravel like some cheap chiffon scarf??

What the heck is going on?

And now reports say we want to BUY the buffoon who was once a respectable striker in Tottenham called Berbatov??

How about getting rid of access weight first?

How about getting in a proper coach as well?

No disrespect to Leonardo but he ain't got the experience to bring Milan back to their glory days, let's face it.

Some people are meant to be coaches. Others try to be coaches and then there are some who want to be coaches but can't because they're just not good at it.

I think we need to get rid of some dead weight, plough in fresh soil and then think about investing a few bob on super-strikas.

And let's forget about getting in rejects from the English league. More so if they cost more than 1 million dollars. I mean seriously, throw that amount of cash into investing on a promising young'un and he's bound to reap the benefits for the club in the future, compared to something you think is a temporary stop-gap measure.

Also, perhaps we should stick with the 2 nationalities that have prospered in the north of Italy - Brazilians and Italians.

I won't mind if Leo stays next season. Perhaps with experience, he'll gain confidence in leading the team forward. But the likes of Favalli, Oddo, Zambrotta and anybody else above the age of 33 besides Pippo and Nesta should leave.

Really, it's our 3rd match without a win!

Elmo Song

2010-04-02T13:24:00.002+08:00

Weakness, I don't appreciate it in the least.

Take for instance being diagnosed for something that doesn't really affect your health in a detrimental way. And yet you feed the medical curiosity by trying to find out what it is and why you got it. Along the way, you don't realise the money you're paying to the big corporations i.e. hospitals to 'help' you find out.

How do you know they're even helping you? What if its an easy way to make you come back and spend unnecessary money just to quench your curiosity?

And when you do find out eventually that whatever you have isn't life threatening, then what? Are you able to sleep assuredly at night knowing you're gonna die yet?

What about all the cash, time and anxiety spent on nothing? You can't go back and sue the hospital for 'scaring you.' It was a precautionary measure, they would say.

But was it worth it? I mean, we all eventually pass on. Its just a matter of time and method, and the amount of pain you feel going through the process.

I say if what you have isn't killing you, causing you pain, or stopping you from living your life to the full, why even bother patronizing the vultures?

Break Even

2010-03-21T14:55:00.002+08:00

Everyone has a price, don't they?

Even if it isn't in monetary terms, there is surely something for someone that will entice them into making a change, going for gold, taking a stand.

For some, its a better offer particularly when it comes to another job prospect. For others its opportunities to venture into things they have not done, broader horizons, new challenges, a better work environment, remuneration etc.

If we're not talking about jobs then rewards come into question as well. What is in it for ME in meking the decision, change, move?

I've not met anyone who doesn't have a price.

So, what's my price for getting out of the comfort zone I've come to know for about 36 months and venturing into the unknown?

Does it have to be monetary? What should it entail?

Black Night

2010-01-27T23:37:00.003+08:00

I have decided.

I don't like people who laud on the past.

People who are mesmerized by their achievements of the past.

People who like to repeat their feats from years gone by.

That only means they're stuck way back there...stuck on their laurels.

And probably have nothing to look forward to in the future.

No expectations.

No aims.

No goals.

No ambition.

Just stuck...in that rut of we politically label memory lane.

Hurricane

2010-01-26T23:49:00.003+08:00

Today marketh the day I've done something I knew I could do all along.

I was not happy to have to do it but when you're blindsided by laziness and what I'd label as unprofessional behaviour by calling in sick late, late in the day, what do you do?

Plus I have an inkling that it was all a lie. Made up. Fake.

But I certainly wasn't going to be the one who makes the decision to determine it.

..I'm not that easily broken! And I know the end result from my effort today was flawless...

*smiles*

Freakin' Out

2010-01-21T23:47:00.003+08:00

I thought it was an itch.

Some people call it a 7-year itch if its concerning marriage.

Mine's a 2-year itch cos that's the longest I've ever stayed in an organization, ever.

Then I thought it was the news I'd received.

But it should have affected me that much. I've lived through colleagues leaving for greener pastures.

The final nail on the wall of my hands, was drilled in today.

And yet, all I can think of is getting my show done better.

The possessiveness I feel over my baby is weird.

Overwhelmingly unexpected.

I don't know if I should like it or loathe it.

Then I recall what's going to happen in a couple of months...

And I tell myself why the hell do I care...?

About what I do, why I do what I do, and how I do it...

I can't even remember why I try these days.

Let's just hope the culmination of things this past week is the cause of how I'm feeling.

And the alignment of the planets will somehow bring my enthusiasm back to the level its always been - passionate!

Aftermath

2010-01-16T18:35:00.007+08:00

You know how they say, you only meet certain family and friends during weddings or funerals.

I'd like to think I'll have everyone who knew me once attend my funeral. And they'd be celebrating it over a barbeque pool party.

With music.

No speechey eulogies.

Laughter in the background.

No tears.

Just cheers.

If there's one legacy I'd like to leave behind once I've left the world, it would be that I gave people a chance to be themself.

And they in turn paid it forward, with dividends in terms of improving their life and the lives of others...or just make someone else happy for a day.

What's life if you ain't happy?

Two Is Better Than One

2010-01-16T01:02:00.000+08:00

There’s something about the air at weddings.
It makes you think deeper, ponder about life…
It’s the same with deaths and funerals.
Or births. And hospitals.

These occasions give one food for thought or concern.

Always.

It helps encourage the mind to reassess your future, your present and think about your past.

It redirects the course of direction for your aims, goals, motivation, force out of life.

And what did it do to me?

No, it did not make me long for one soon.

In fact, it was just the opposite effect.

It made me realize how much work there is to it,
how tedious and expensive it can be,
how meticulous it could get me to be.

All in the name of a grandiose and impressive day to celebrate the union of two people who love each other.

But is it all worthwhile?

Doesn’t the marriage count for something?

It’s not made me a pessimist towards weddings.

It’s just got me reflecting on whether I want one or not.

And whether it’s even necessary to begin with.

That’s either being a realist or a cheapskate!

But then it’s also got me wondering why I don’t think I’d want a wedding at all.

Release Me

2010-01-16T00:59:00.002+08:00

Have you ever noticed how you hugged a person?

There’s the types who hold on to the other person real tight, and there’s those who like to rub the other person’s back. And there’s the one who pats the other’s back.

There’s the huggers who lightly wrap their arms around a person’s shoulders for formality sake. There’s bear-huggers. And there’s those who awkwardly embrace their partner not knowing what they’re actually supposed to do, turn to the left/right?

Perhaps the way you hug says something about the person that you are too. Whether you’re a caring person, affectionate, discreet, shy, loving, touchy-feely, perv, I think it actually is described in the way you embrace a person.

So go ahead, try and reflect or realize how it is that you hug someone. It’ll surprise you...

Crawl Back In

2010-01-06T23:46:00.003+08:00

I had this intern come in for a two-day trial.

Usually interns last past the two days. They want more, which is fair game considering we treat them like equals and adults. I reckon these college kids appreciate it when we don't patronize them. The group is a collectively decent bunch of people.

But I realise I develop this sense of protectiveness with interns. And it's quite a revelation to me, lately.

Why do I even need to protect them? When they leave the company after their tenure, they won't be protected anymore. They'll be exposed to the raw reality of life, the bullying, the taking advantage, the lies, politics...etc. The list of reality bites goes on and here I am trying to shadow them from the perils of rudeness, ragging and a case of self demotivation.

The thing is, it works on some pretty well. On others, you begin to question the motive behind the protection. Why put them at risk of not discovering the adventures that lie ahead, the survival required?

I'm not their teacher, or mother or mentor. Setting a good example requires them to be tough, street smart, vigilant and if they don't have the guts or heart to overcome the bunch of nice people that we really are, how are they to survive the world?

Tubthumping

2009-12-27T16:35:00.003+08:00

Are you the kind of person who says things for the sake of saying something?

'cos I'm not.

And adhering to Thumper's mother's wise words - "...if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all..," it's not that I don't have anything nice to say to people. At all.

But I'd rather not appear insincere by saying something I don't mean.

If I don't like how a dress looks on someone, I'd rather not say it. Of course, it's going to hurt the person's feelings. So you avoid the obvious and suggest something like, perhaps, trying on a different color, style, option...

So if I didn't think someone's efforts were worth the time put in, I won't say anything. If I think someone is worthy of so much more, I won't say anything about their current efforts unless asked. Of course all the rejection, negative, not so flattering stuff is going to hurt the recipient.

I do have tact.

But in saying nothing at all, does it appear as if I'm not supportive?

Mr Nobody

2009-11-15T11:16:00.002+08:00

Dream, Dream, Dream

2009-11-15T11:11:00.002+08:00

All I Want For Christmas Is You

2009-11-08T02:44:00.004+08:00

All I Want For Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth

2009-11-08T02:30:00.004+08:00

Bodies

2009-11-01T18:56:00.002+08:00

"God save me rejection, from my reflection. I want perfection.."

Rob's out with a new album. Can't wait!

A Change Is Gonna Come

2009-10-04T22:53:00.004+08:00

"We must change something"

Those were the words of Milan coach Leonardo before the weekend of October 4.

This, after 2 losses and a draw.

This, after losing to FC Zurich at the San Siro.

This, after drawing goalless with newly promoted Bari.

This, after losing the Milan derby to Inter by 3 goals, earlier in the season.

This, after rumors of Ronaldinho retiring surfaces.

This, after Galliani issues a boycott of the media.

You think, a change is required?

Coming Out Of The Dark

2009-09-12T20:17:00.004+08:00

It was the worst pain anyone can possibly imagine on a living person.

And it hit me in the worst possible area, time, and part of my life.

Yet, I prevailed, persevered and hung on.

It continued coming at me, it felt like it was scrunching up my insides, squezzing the life out of me. Rumbling all that was me out of my life!

Hurting me, impaling me....

Killing me.

For 3 days I suffered in silence. Not knowing what I should do to control this pain.

To get rid of it. To stop it

For 3 days I ate nothing.

For 3 days I screamed silently on my own.

It felt like an unfair punishment on me alone.

For all that I'd done, for all that I'd ate, for all that I'd seen, for all that I'd said.

It felt as if all the sins of my life was being vanquished by this massive agony in my stomach. "It's ok, if you endure this, you're alright."

It felt like a hazing gone wrong, unnecessary discomfort.

All I wanted to really, really do was lie in and curl up like a pangolin...

All I wanted more than anything was a decent sleep.

But I didn't get it.

Until the 4th day.

I finally got relief.

Then the light at the end of the tunnel seemed slightly brighter.

Salvation seemed close at hand.

Comfort was possible.

Impossible is nothing.

Briciole

2009-09-05T23:22:00.004+08:00

It's amazing how travelling can really help you to discover someone in another light. It truly is. And I still believe it either makes or breaks a relationship, be it family, friends or lovers.

I learnt that someone who should be ultra confident can actually be pretty insecure when thrown to the deep end of uncertainty. What I don't understand is how can someone be so ignorant, to the point of stupidity? I'm not the brightest bulb in the room either but in moments like this, I can't help but wonder what has gone wrong to attribute such ignorance to a person that garners them pointless to society?

Is it naivety or just a case of vanity?

I admit and raise my hand at being proud and a tad egotistical when it comes to asking for directions, or getting assitance. My rational behind the attitude is why bother when 90% of the time, the people you approach doesn't speak the language/doesn't know/can't help you/refuses to....so why bother. Is the 10% that worth it?

And in the case of vanity, ignorance makes you forget that there's a purpose for vanity. I'd like to think it's confidence. But to the vain, it isn't because it masks their insecurities to begin with. So the vain won't know how to use this weaponery to their advantage, which beats the purpose for it in the first place!

My point being?

Well, you need more than just an ounce of patience when you travel with someone for the very first time. And tolerance. And understanding. Despite your travel partner being homesick, and un-backpacker like. Despite the un-hygenic state of affairs they keep. Despite their paranoid state of consciousness. And through their heightened state of bringing their home with them including the kitchen/bathroom sink with them.

And I realised either I'm just a pushover or these qualities have been buried deep into myself that I don't have any control over them. Even when I feel like screaming at them, I smile.

I sigh quietly.

I pretend.

I ignore.

I put up with it.

I look at the bright side of things.

I count the days till it ends.....

These Hard Times

2009-08-16T23:22:00.003+08:00

What do you do when you find out about something, and you don't know what to do with it?

A part of you feels that there's something fishy going on with the situation.

And some part of your instincts makes you want to trust the person involved did the right thing. But trust isn't your forte, so to speak and so you debate with yourself on what is the right thing to do because in your book, what was done IS wrong if the right roads were not used.

Why must the right roads be used? Because if there's a repeat to the rule-wrangling, with dire consequences, I guess I care for the person too much to see him throw it all away in one foul-swoop.

So what should I do? What can I do?

Will the shit hit the fan if I proceed?

Cos you can never tell who will overeact and who feels it was something not seriously important enough to bring up with authorities.

What do you do when you find yourself between a rock and a hard place?

And why is it that people find it enjoyable to boast about their misdemeanors? Why do they treat it like brownie points? Why is it deemed a trophy slot whatever selfish act they are planning to put up?

Am I just getting silly-passionate anxious these days by worrying about these things?

Words Don't Come Easy

2009-08-01T15:47:00.003+08:00

Remember the time when you first learnt to believe someone?

I've spent the past week worrying my brains out over uncertainties....stuff which I didn't want to ask about because I made the assumption it will sort itself out or things I procrastinate over and decide to 'handle' once I cross that bridge?

All the presumptions and speculations did not help my insomnia, anxiety and distrust over people in general.

The soft voice at the back of my head reminded me off and on about waiting for things to settle.

Questions arose on why anyone would go back on their word after such a convincing declaration, after reassurances; perhaps I misunderstood the message.

It took a lot to stop myself from being upfront about it and confronting the problem once and for all.

A lot.

But I simply waited.

Breathed.

And worried.

Finally, I got some assurance on the matter.

And it made me reassess the people I'm with.

Now I can rest easy.

21 Guns

2009-07-25T14:45:00.003+08:00

I'm worried.

After watching 2 pre-season games (and losing by the same margins) I don't see a very bright prospect for my team this season.

Granted that I don't recall Pep Guardiola's pre-season in his first season, Leonardo has to do something, and quick, if he wants to help Milan stay up let alone contend for honors this year.

He doesn't look like a fighter. He looks like a Nice Guy. Someone who doesn't make people want to strive harder, go the extra mile kinda thing. He looks like everyone's best mate. That's my problem with him. Compared to Guardiola, who has a steely gaze that can send shivers down player's spine and encourage them to run further, jump higher, bust their @$$...Leo's got a lot to learn for sure.

Even the team isn't exciting. I see the first team consisting of an average age of 31at least. It's good that there's young blood but at this time when the team should be chasing for honours? Abate, Zigoni, Harmony, Strasser ...are these youngsters the future of Milan?

Pretty sad, if you ask me. They're really young and did not light up the match when they came on and although Leo was quoted as saying he wanted to experiment in the WFC, it was worrying to see the stale style of football they were playing. And of the two goals they scored, one of them came from a 35 year old.

The team looked as if they were emulating the Gunners, instead of the Red Devils or the Catalans.

Worrying times ahead...

Off The Wall

2009-06-30T01:10:00.002+08:00

It's amazing how we under or over estimate people.

How we assume a lot of things in the process as well.

I called up this friend of mine for a chance of a lifetime. Or so I thought.

I recall this pal having the ambition while in high school. And since I have the good fortune of achieving my dream, I thought why not give this dude a chance to be who he really wants to be.

Or so I thought.

I looked him up and we talked about that old ambition, goal, aim in life. He seemed completely enthusiastic and still in tune with it.

I was glad. I saw potential.

Or so I thought.

I set the stage for him. Told him he had 1 shot at this old dream of his. He was eager.

Or so I thought.

Come the day, he showed up and was still excited by it all. He went through the motions. The journey was half crossed...

Or so I thought.

He wanted a break in the midst of his translations. He asked where the loo was. He exited the room.

He never came back.

I rang him. There was no answer.

I didn't know what else to do. So many questions.

What went wrong? Was it THAT overwhelming?

Did realisation finally set in? Wasn't it what he'd always wanted?

What makes a person up and leave without saying anything?

I'll never know or understand.

But then again, I'm not a psychic. I don't read minds.

I don't profess to be an expert in body language.

Why lie and exaggerate about something you don't feel for anymore?

I'll never know.

I'm not angry or upset about the weirdness of the whole situation. I'm bewildered. Confused, and curious.

I'd like to know.

At least.

Gone Too Soon

2009-06-27T15:06:00.005+08:00

It took a while to sink in.
The whole day, to be exact.

But only because I had my mind full of things at hand.
Matters to see to immediately.
Chats to get through, a show to get on the road.
A perfect one.

But how can you escape the reaction from such shocking news.
A universal occurence.

The King of Pop is dead.

His music was being played EVERYWHERE.
I think sales and airtime soared to a peak nobody would've seen while the Gloved One was alive.

The people I met who admitted to be in mourning for the man was incredible.
You wouldn't have guessed that person you were standing next to at the traffic light was a fan.
Till you notice the white glove he had on his right hand, stuffed into his pants pocket.

It's pretty overwhelming, the grief, loss, emotion displayed by the world on this icon.
We even had to incorporate the piece of news in sports.
He is THAT global.

Cristiano Ronaldo and Kaka have nothing on this guy.

And when I got back home, all the entertainment channels were showing archive videos of the Great One.
Pretty astounding.
Sad to say though, this may be one of best things to have ever happened to him.

Gone too soon.

Fake Plastic Trees

2009-06-23T23:17:00.004+08:00

something's a miss
....i felt so mad over something trivial.

well, not that trivial, to me.
but it was annoying, nonetheless.

::self control::

funny how i was over the moon a few hours/minutes ago over an 'achievement.'
swinging moods.

i'm becoming a grumpy old maid already!

Milan, Milan, solo con te...

2009-06-11T00:04:00.002+08:00

Why is it that people think I'm upset over Kaka moving to the Santiago Bernebeu?

Just because he's a Rossoneri, should I be feeling something over losing him? I was happy AC Milan had him in the club but let's face it, he ain't a Zinedine Zidane or a Romario. He wasn't all that marvelous to me.

I mean, seriously, he was above average in skills but he ain't the only Brazilian to be good at what he does. He doesn't always win games single-handedly. And if I had to choose the hottest looking player in that dressing room, he wouldn't even come close to MY top 3...

He isn't the first Brazilian to razzle-dazzle the San Siro stage and in his absence, Milan have always found a substitute or replacement.

So WHY does everyone think I'm feeling low over his sale??

For one thing, I have no confidence in Pellegrini so I really can't tell at the moment if he made the correct decision. I mean, just look at Shevchenko and his move to Chelsea during Jose Mourinho's time....and we're talking about The Special One here...

Also, I'm wondering who Perez plans to boot out of the Los Blancos. At the moment, as it is, the club is full of unused talent. There's word that the new president plans to rid off 9 players. Taking into account his promise to clean the club off the Dutch contingent that leaves you with an empty midfield.

This, since we don't know if he'll be able to continue his coup of C-Ron, Franck Rib and/or David Villa. Imagine the club without these folks AND the Dutchies - Van Der Vaart, Van Nistelrooy, Jan Huntelaar, Schneidjer, Drenthe, Robben...that's 4 midfielders and 2 forwards.

Where does Pellegrini intend to use Kaka anyway?

By the way, my top 3 are Nesta, Maldini and Inzaghi. Since Paolo has retired, Ambro has sneaked into the list lately. ;P

Fever Pitch

2009-04-28T22:51:00.007+08:00

By now, most people should know I support AC Milan. I've supported the club since 6 seasons ago, I think. At least, since Alessandro Nesta moved from Lazio to join the Rossoneris. Why do I support them? I'd think the more appropriate question should be why do I continue to support them inspite of Nesta being absent for ages...? Well, when you support a team long enough and get to know it through the good and bad times, its culture, its history, you kinda find a bond with the other players and the management - the love-hate relationship matures eventually to really understand the club's way, its mentality, the Red and Black way.

My first memory of the club would be when Sandro first joined the club. The uproar surrounding his arrival was immense because he was supposed to be a 1-club kinda player. And because the partnership between him and then-Italy captain (and GOD) Maldini was so salivatingly a dream combination for any football fantasy manager. They, together with Cannavaro were already the ideal partnership in the Azzuri so to imagine a club side able to enjoy the dream duo was...simply too good to be true.

There isn't a particular best moment with the club for me. If I had to select one, it would be my first Champions League game at the San Siro. Milan played Benfica and I hadn't realised that it was Rui Costa's first match back at the San Siro after leaving for his hometown club in Portugal. It was awesome to be in the stands, watching the players warm up, and then the match....Andrea Pirlo scored in that match and Milan won that match 2-0. Inzaghi contributed the other goal. I had a smile on my face all the way back to the Metro station!

Most disappointing moment has to be early this season when we were knocked out of the UEFA Cup. The season was already going nowhere and getting knocked out of Europe was irritating, more so as Inter Milan were in the Champions League and it kinda felt like we were left out of the popular gang...together with the loss to Liverpool in the UCL final despite leading by 2 goals at halftime...

So it's only apt that my all time favourite player is now Paolo Maldini. It used to be Steve Mcmanaman when he was still active. And then it was Alessandro Nesta. It still is but it's had to continue admiring him when he's out of the picture. He's my current favourite together with the likes of Inzaghi and Pirlo. But all-time favourite has to be the one and only Paolo..

The greatest match ever seen? 1994 World Cup final between Italy and Brazil. I still remember being so freaking nervous watching the penalty shootout at the end. And when Roberto Baggio missed his penalty...

I think my team needs to focus on te prize at hand to win the title. I also think we should be sourcing for the services of Frank Rijkaard after we get rid of Ancelotti. I don't think he's got what it takes to lead Milan to any greater heights. I also hope we stop buying players above the age of 30. We've got way too many folks there who are past their prime. They may look like a who's who on paper but if their legs don't carry them far, they're not gonna be able to do the job!

Should the transfer window be scrapped? NO. How fair would that be for the smaller clubs? And I also think video technology is past its introductory time in football. It's been used in so many other sport from basketball to tennis, I'm sure there's a WAY to incorporate technology like that into the modern game. More so with so much moolah at stake these days...

Suppose

2009-04-26T16:04:00.005+08:00

I tell people (and myself) that I don't believe in God anymore.
I don't want to be a part of something I don't want to belong.
Frankly, there's no other way of saying it...I don't want to waste my time wondering.

Why should I?

Life is too short to go on feeling as if you've been left out - it's confident-busting.

And it's good that I've made up my mind, rather than ping-ponging one way or the other every fortnight. Yes..

Some people may not accept the decision. Some will not understand. Some won't believe. And some may be angered, puzzled, sad...I'd like to think it's my place to feel all that but if they want to be concerned with what I'm doing with my life, then who am I to stop them?

It IS my life and how I choose to tread on it, the paths I choose to pursue, the direction I decide to journey towards - they're all MINE to make.

Thanks for caring.

And yet there remains remnants of my life when I did try to believe. I like to call that piece of paper in my wallet Hope. I should really throw it away because I'm not going to go back anyways..and yet, I hold on to it just in case some divine intervention falls in place and I do return to claim my purchase.

But I know, despite not admiting to it, I will not return because when my mind's made up, the only reason I'll turn back on it is if I felt guilty or sentimental.

And those ain't good excuses to return.

I'd like conviction on my part and not some haphazard excuse to change my mind. It's always been about excuses, for me. I've always had something to reason why I should do something, be somewhere, go some place; I think most people may too.

Somehow though, the past months since I've taken the sabbatical from organized religion, there's been a better calm in my life.

Like a wake. Or a release from the cloudy choked-up skies.

And if that portion of frown-dom is reduced with this decision, why would I return to the days when worried even more? Why should I go back to the organized wonder-ment of the faithful?

If there's a God out there, He'd know I would eventually take this decision anyways. and He's willing to let me make it.

Thing is, a combo of facts and figures sum up the unproven theory that faith, religion, spirituality will never be proven and given the freedom we enjoy, it is up to every individual to make up their mind if they're theists or atheists about it....

I Miss You

2009-04-18T00:42:00.006+08:00

I miss....

- sleeping till the the sun is up in the sky

- playing an un-ending supply of music

- the smell of assam laksa

- playing futsal

- discovering new places

- learning new languages

- having time

- swimming

- being creative

- being inspired

- catching a sunset

- listening to the sound of waves crashing against the shore

- road trips

- doing what I want to without having to worry about time

- having ice cream in the autumn of Perth

- talking to my muse

- going to Sommerfield to get fresh bread

- watching AC Milan play live on TV

- screaming my lungs out, cheering Nic on Sports Day

- screaming my heart out when the roller coaster dives down at an 70 degree angle

- being serene

- meeting friends at CCKL

- driving up to Puchong to teach kids English

- eating salad in the Hougang apartment in the dark while watching 4 football games back to back..

- movie marathons

- MRT hopping across shopping malls

- Hawthorn 'juice'

- Brothers & Sisters season 3

...didn't realise so much has changed...

Just When I Needed You Most

2009-03-24T00:33:00.003+08:00

My brother made a pitstop home for several days recently.

YAAY!

It was a homecoming of sorts as he was down to attend to a friend of a friend's nuptials. Still....he was home and as a family we were all excited at the prospect of catching up, sharing gossip, catching up on lost time, etc.

And one fleeting moment in those couple of days he was around, left me thinking about how content I am with my family. Just listening to the laughter, shrieks of delight, lively banter in between baby gurgles in agreement with whatever that was going on at the moment, made me feel unconditionally fulfilled. Complete.

There is nothing else I shall want.

In that couple of minutes of capturing the sounds of happiness, joy and contentment somehow translated to the years of support, loyalty, trust, togetherness, love, care, admiration, respect, faith, all rolled into an entity I know as the family.

I recently took to watching the drama Brothers & Sisters.

It's such a dramatic series that features a somewhat disfunctional family of sorts that most people glamourise to think it cool to belong to.

I think there's a little bit of 'The Walkers' in each family. That's the one certainty in a family - that it evolves with its foundation intact to produce color, vision, dreams, ambition, hope, glory, pride and more love.

And once you've achieved or acquired all that, what more can you possibly ask for?

There isn't any problem too big, the family won't be able to help you, nothing too trivial that they won't pay attention to. There's nothing too insignificant that nobody would want to ignore, and it all feels like it could choke an individual but isn't that exactly what everyone craves for - attention?

Heroes Of Our Time

2009-03-07T00:57:00.002+08:00

I was asked to list my GREATEST 11.

Guess what I did? I researched...I couldn't even list names off the top of my head. I looked at my brother's list and decided which of his picks I wanted in my team. THEN, I looked up my favourite teams to remind myself who I've liked...and I came to this:

Peter Schmeichel
Paolo Maldini
Alessandro Nesta
John Terry
Javier Zanetti
Zinedine Zidane
Fernando Redondo
Steve Mcmanaman
Raul Gonzalez
Romario
Michael Owen

Subs: Claudio Taffarel, Roberto Ayala, Fernando Hierro, Roberto Carlos, Gabriel Batistuta, Ivan Zamorano & Filippo Inzaghi

Those who almost made it included:

-Ronaldinho
-Andrea Pirlo
-Andriy Shevchenko
-Ruud Van Nistelrooy
-Massimo Ambrosini
-Robbie Fowler

**see a trend here? They're either Argies, Italians, Rossoneris, Scousers or Madristas...hmm..

WTH??

2009-03-04T23:13:00.003+08:00

Why is it that most of the lousy contestants on American Idol insist what's important is they had fun with their performance?

If all that matters is having fun and feeling good, then just go to a karaoke bar with some friends...I'm sure there's even more fun to be had there!

The point of the show is to unearth talent. And not to give wannabe American stars a chance to have fun on stage.

So I don't get it when, after the judges criticise their performance or song choice or dressing, they shrug and say they had fun. What does that count for talent, skill, long lasting staying power in the industry, selling power, marketability? At times you have to marvel at these folks for being so confident. But you have to question if they're deluded by the through purpose of the show too.

Why would the judges lie about talent when they see one?

Wouldn't 7 seasons have taught them how to pick the real from the fake?

So when the judges spell the truth out to these wannabes, why have they got to be obnoxious about it?

Is that arrogance or ignorance?

And indirectly, they all tune in to catch what the Brit has to say about the performances....irony at its best.

Notion

2009-02-21T22:02:00.007+08:00

I can't decide...

I want to visit a couple of countries and places this year. And they're all jumbled up in my head at the moment because I've got to wait till the Travel Fair before I can decide. But it's not as if I'll be getting everything there.

Some of the places I want to go I can easily get great offers via the low-fare airlines.

So here's what I decided to do to trim my list down.

I'll need to be extremely generous or ignorant to be able to afford all these places. I have to trim it down to at least 3 places. Out of 14!?!? How do I make a choice?

Simple, I googled up pictures of these places and the ones that manage to catch my imagination will continue to stay on my wish list... =D

Find Your Way Back Home

2009-02-16T12:16:00.001+08:00

There used to be a time
When you're the only one
That you could see

You built a wall to keep you free
You saw it all so perfectly

You divided everything
You had into a thousand parts or names
It made it easier to place the blame
But it never really was the same

But you forgot the reason why
You had to be alone to breathe
Something from your history
Or have you lost your memory?

But now it seems your baggage
Is the only thing than you can bring
You had a lie for everything
And now your world is crumbling
(Ah ooh)
So now you find you're on your own
You find you're on your own
(Ah ooh)
Trying to find your way back home
Trying to find your way back

You used to talk to God
But you gave up 'cause you couldn't see
Couldn't get from A to B
But were you ever really listening

Enough's enough you know
But then you never really had enough
Something more to fill you up
Maybe just a smaller cup

(Ah ooh)
So now you find you're on your own
You find you're on your own
(Ah ooh)
Trying to find your way back home
Trying to find your way back home

You used to think that
You would never be alone
But you're losing control

You find it hard to see at all
To find your way back
There used to be a time
When you divided
Everything you had
You had a lie for everything
Or were you ever really listening?

You used to talk to God
But you gave up
But then you really never had enough
Or have you lost your memory?
Memory

But now you find you're on your own
To find your way back home

Prepare For Battle

2009-02-08T16:03:00.004+08:00

have you ever contemplated on the words:

"Prepare for battle!"

would it mean:

"get ready to go to war" or more like

"let's start some trouble?"

or perhaps it means

"look out, someone's gonna attack us real soon",

"beware"

why was i thinking of the phrase? well it feels like that, waiting for wednesday.

what am i expecting?

something, anything...rather than nothing.

unfortunately i've played out the situation many times in my head; trying to figure out what a psycho-somatic-neurotic-schizophrenic might just do is mind-boggling. and despite reminding myself to not let the psycho get the better of me, i think indirectly it is consuming me.

but i also think its normal when one has been suspicious of someone for a while and finally get their suspicion proven right. it almost feels like failing an exam and realising that it could mean the end of your life as you know it. or getting into your 1st accident in your brand new car. or how movie characters seem to be portrayed when the bright, innocent young thing accidentally stabs her best friend with the kitchen knife...well, they always have that kind of look on their face....shock, horror, astonishment, fear, disbelief, nauscious....you know.

i can't wait for wednesday and yet i believe i'll be disappointed by what happens because the degree of what happened isn't as serious as it was when it happened. and that saddens me, not the degree of seriousness but the thought of how management thinks. i just know wednesday isn't going to be an issue...

am i cruel to want it to be made an issue?

i just think its about time people are finally allowed to work in peace without having to suspect everything that comes out from her mouth, the backstabbing, the exaggerations, the drama...we're all good, decent people. surely we all deserve a work place like the Dermatology Department in Grey's Anatomy (Season V)!

now, what does "be strong" mean?

are they asking you to be elastic? tough? unbreakable? loud? hard? thick?

::"tears stream down your face, when you lose something you cannot replace"::
fix you, coldplay

C'mon

2009-02-06T19:55:00.003+08:00

Michael Phelps got suspended from swimming for smoking pot in November at a party.

Why is that such big news?

He did the deed AFTER the O-Games, why is it a big deal?

He was letting his hair down after achieving years of hard earned goals, just like any normal person would after a victory, a goal, success. What is wrong with that?

He didn't do it prior to a competition, during one or within weeks of one....why can't people lighten up on a kid's need to lighten up.

Just 'cos he won 8 gold medals in the O-Games, it doesn't give him any freedom to have fun, be human?

I can think of worse things he could be doing behind closed doors, instead of getting a whiff from a bong toke...

It's Amazing

2009-02-01T16:45:00.004+08:00

I've just been informed of more drama brewing from QueenBeeTwo. I wasn't expecting it. But it's nice to be given a heads-up on what might explode eventually when 2 magnetic polars try to get a head on each other....I'm sure you've tried to get the south end of a magnet stuck to another southern end. Both ends just won't click, right?

Well, that's what we have with us today. And I find myself in a strange sort of place. Kinda like hovering above the problem, looking at it from the outside...from all the angles available. Looking through it, over it, under it, at it....and sussing out the next best course of action or non-action.

And it's amazing what's going through my mind with all the information I have. All my options, all the possibilities. I'm surprised I don't have a headache at the moment.

What's also amazing is that I feel as if I can learn so much from all of this. And if there's a worthwhile conclusion to this problem, I can come out above all of it in triumph. Now, that's the little bit of a capitalist in me speaking. Then again, why shouldn't you seek to gain favour from a situation, any situation for that matter. Opportunistic Capitalist....

Still, when you dissect the core of the problem, it's a pretty sad situation because the 2 people involved do not know how alike they both are. They're both sad creatures who seek approval, attention, pity and acceptance from people around them, despite pretending they don't give a rat's arse about what people think of them. They're insecure, they're indecisive, they're egotistical, they're immature, overly sensitive, paranoid, schzophrenic and lonely. Unfortunately for the sanity of my mind, heart, soul and sleep pattern, I can't get involved too much. Because these kind of problems will usually end up burning me.

So do I keep out of it and watch things deteriorate around these 2 birds?

Do I keep my mouth shut or should I have my say?

Do you attack a cancer that is spreading all over the foundations of something you care about? Or should you let the cancer kill itself with charm offensive?

Vent

2009-01-31T16:56:00.004+08:00

Do you have a moment to vent?

Why would they want to get Maldini out of retirement for the national squad? Isn't there enough young, upcoming and even current center-backs available in the 20-odd teams playing in the Serie A and other European leagues? I mean, I can name a few who have not decided to retire that could be honed into becoming a promising player for the Azzuris. And why does Lippi have to come out and support the campaign to get Paolo out of retirement? There's such a thing as sentimentality and then there's delusion. Doesn't it imply that Italy is suffering from a short supply of talent in the defensive department, to the point they need to encourage a 40-year old to un-retire. Also, is that not respecting his wishes to make way for other equally talented defenders to play for the country?

And why are there people in the world who lie and exaggerate the truth in order to protect themselves. Do I do it too? I mean when someone lies and exaggerates, it only means that person is insecure of themselves, isn't it? Lonely, that's what she is...I mean to say you feel threatened for your life just because everyone gave you the silent treatment is bollocks! That's paranoia on their part. On top of that, when that person just SAT her heavy arse in her place and talk on the phone all day, instead of getting things done, that's just not doing your job. C'mon, how long does it take someone 'new' to blend in and get to know your colleagues? How long does it take to make friends? If your history, according to your own delusional story, accounts for you being as normal as the girl next door, then I don't see how and why it isn't working out for that same person when they move vocations. Unless it was all a bunch of lies to paint a fake picture of a la-dee-da character who IS normal and an IT-gal. Why the need to pretend? What is that going to accomplish when the truth comes out? Speaking from experience, I've had my share of jobs in the past that has seen me try to mingle in various other very different environments. There was an IT management office. Then there was that trading company, another scientific type of highly confidential job and then another sales company before this. But look at how far the jump has been and when I look back I can confidently say that I've been the same person in each and every single place that I've had to work at. People treat me the same way there as it is here. Confidently, I KNOW that I'm me.

Does SHE know who she REALLY is?

I'll be back with more when I have the time. I hope Safina takes the singles title and Federer beats the crap out of Rafa.....I'm off to the aeroporto now!

Movin' On

2009-01-28T00:26:00.005+08:00

It's time to move on
or so it seems.
At least all my thoughts
these past few days
has been steered towards
up-ping and leaving
the confusing,
the hopeless,
the undecided,
the unanswered...

it's time to give in
and give up
(if there's a difference in both)
it's time to stop,
throw in the towel
on something that can't be explained
or comprehend-ed

leave the doubts,
the hope, the yearning
the questions,
the wishful thinking.
It's no way to live
in depressed sadness
without a way to understand
what i'm supposed to know
what i'm meant to hear or 'get'

i want out
i need a time-out
i need help
but don't seem to get it
so the next best thing
is to step away
forget about it
and appreciate what I had
during my time in the journey
cos the destination
ain't gonna come my way
anytime soon!

Gotta Be Somebody

2009-01-14T21:49:00.002+08:00

This time I wonder what it feels like
To find the one in this life
The one we all dream of
But dreams just aren't enough
So I´ll be waiting for the real thing.

I'll know it by the feeling.
The moment when we´re meeting
will play out like a scene straight off the silver screen
So I`ll be holdin’ my own breath
Right up to the end
Until that moment when
I find the one that I'll spend forever with

`Cause nobody wants to be the last one there.
`Cause everyone wants to feel like someone cares.
Someone to love with my life in their hands.
There`s gotta be somebody for me like that.

`Cause nobody wants to do it on their own
And everyone wants to know they´re not alone.
There's somebody else that feels the same somewhere.
There`s gotta be somebody for me out there.

Tonight,
out on the street out in the moonlight
And dammit this feels too right
It´s just like deja vu
Me standin’ here with you

So I´ll be holdin`my own breath
Could this be the end?
Is it that moment when
I find the one that I'll spend forever with?

`Cause nobody wants to be the last one there
`Cause everyone wants to feel like someone cares.
Someone to love with my life in their hands.
There´s gotta be somebody for me like that.

`Cause nobody wants to do it on their own
And everyone wants to know they´re not alone.
There's somebody else that feels the same somewhere
There`s gotta be somebody for me out there.

You can´t give up
(Lookin´ for) that diamond in the rough
(You never know) but when it shows up
(Make sure) you´re holdin` on
`Cause it could be the one, the one you´re waiting on

`Cause nobody wants to be the last one there.
And everyone wants to feel like someone cares.
Someone to love with my life in their hands.
There has gotta be somebody for me, oh

Nobody wants to do it on their own
And everyone wants to know they´re not alone.
Is there somebody else that feels the same somewhere?
There`s gotta be somebody for me out there.

Nobody wants to be the last one there
`Cause everyone wants to feel like someone cares.
Is there somebody else that feels the same somewhere?
There has gotta be somebody for me out there.

courtesy of Nickelback

Take Me Somewhere Nice

2009-01-04T13:39:00.004+08:00

Have you got resolutions for the new year yet?

I've compiled 12 of my own which I'd like to think is for each month, literally, cos only 1 would be darned difficult to focus on....go figure!

1. Go to Church on TIME
2. Stop making excuses
3. Ignore what other people may think of me
4. Take a break every 4 months (as opposed to 3 months...)

5. Be more creative in my shows; try the untried in making my shows unique
6. Catch up on all the tapes I have to digitize
7. Catch up on the DVDs & VCDs I have to watch
8. Swim 4 times a week, use the gym frequently and try out the group x classes

9. Become a vegan
10. Re-paint my room
11. Catch up on my books
12. Keep ME happy :)

That should do it! Bring on 2-0-0-9...

If I Were A Boy

2008-12-14T12:44:00.004+08:00

I can't stand:

people who display helplessness,
a lack of self control,
people who display tiredness
and who show it when they're weak
who seek pity and sympathy
from others

those who ask for attention
just for the sake of milking
self pity towards their predicament

people who cannot multi task
when the need requires it
people who wear their feelings
on their sleeves

those who make unnecessary noise
just for the sound of it
rather than with a valid excuse

people who like things done
only their way
cos they can't stand change
or just don't want to conform to it

those who are sick and show it
wanting people to ask,
enquire the matter with them
only so they can tell you their tall tale

indecisive people
people who lack creativity
old-fashioned people
and those who show-off on purpose

and how about those who
pretend to mother over a situation
only cos they know they're being watched
yet you can see through their masquarade
and hypocrisy
as it shows through

I can't stand these things
but I find myself tolerating the situation
as and when it occurs
only to complain to myself about it
cos the whole damn thing irked me...

just because you think you don't
show it when you're sick or weak,
or when you're tired and sad
doesn't mean others have the will
and strength to emulate the response

we're all not alike, unfortunately...

Gift

2008-12-05T00:05:00.004+08:00

where do you go
when you want peace?

who do you turn to
when you want to talk,
complain, explain, repeat or express
all that you've bottled up?

where do you go
when you want to scream
at the top of your voice?

what do you do
when you feel like crying?

who do you look for
when you need a ear
to listen and understand?

what do you do
when your mind is bursting
with inspiration?

who do you go to
when you fall down
and need someone to pick you up again?

when is the right time
to just go away?

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

I'm attached to this song at the moment.....

From night til dawn, you soldiered on, did ya?
Each day is a gift
But you lead us strong and kept us on, did ya?
Like each day is a gift
I never thought that I'd be here with you
Saying all these words that I have to
After all is said and all is done
I never meant to ever hurt no one
And nothing has to change
You and I are strange
Passing in the night between the darkness and the rain

At the crack of dawn, you grabbed my arm did ya?
Each day was a gift
You told me slow
Before I move on you must remember
Each day is a gift
I never understood it was for you
Could never be for me
This will have to do
Yet after all you've said and all you've done
I know you never meant to hurt no one
And nothing has to change
You and I are strange
Passing in the night between the darkness and the rain
Nothing has to change
You and I can be strange
Passing in the days between the morning and the rain
I can see you now, it's like you're never gone

From dusk til dawn, you soldiered on
Like each day was a gift
Oh you lead us strong but you couldn't hold on
And that's fine cause each day was a gift

I don't know when I'll be home
So save a place for me til I get there
I don't know when I'll be home
So save a place for me

Human

2008-11-29T03:34:00.002+08:00

when your expectations are higher than the rest...
when you want only what YOU want,

when you set the bar on your terms...
and people can't meet the same objectives,

when you can't help comparing
what YOU can do and how others fall short

Is it time to lower your aims
to prevent disappointment..?

is it time to reconsider
and reassess standards?

do you settle for second best
only so the job gets done?

do you close one eye and take a deep breath
grit your teeth and ponder
on how the difference in standards
is comparatively challenging

do you take things less seriously
and rethink the effort

must you deliver second best goods
just b'cos others cannot cope?

in the end it IS to your name
the job, the goods, the finished product
and do you really want to be
associated to inferior quality?

will you,
should you?

what happens when all of it
reduces your overall goals
does it mean
your sense of achievements
should also cut itself up
to a certain degree
just to avoid
failure and disappointment?

Solution

2008-11-23T01:42:00.004+08:00

God help me
I feel so lazy
reluctant
helpless
bored
unwilling
disinterested
exhausted
routine-d
forced
tired
sleepless
out of time

More Than Life

2008-11-08T00:57:00.006+08:00

I want to speak,
...and yet I listen

I want to lead,
...but yet I follow

I can do,
...but I await patiently

I yearn to go,
...yet still hesitate

I want to see,
...regardless of disbelief

I have a lot to say,
...but always end up listening

I'm an introvert,
...yearning to have my day

I enjoy the silence,
...but want to have my noise

I smile and laugh,
...in the midst of concern and thought

I want to be Me,
...despite the need to find myself

Hungry Like The Wolf

2008-10-27T23:48:00.003+08:00

Everybody has it,
a place they can go to
and feel comfortable,
to do whatever it is they please
because they're good at it.

And because they want to do it
not because they have to.

There's enjoyment and fulfilment in doing it
no force or obligation.
It's fun
It's attractive
There's passion in it
They don't need to be motivated to do it
It's all they care about
If they could only live their whole life doing it
they wouldn't mind at all.

no complaints.

Because they know they're good at it.
They know they'll get it done right.
It feels as if it's what they were put on this earth to accomplish.
They're confident doing it
They're "made" to do it
They want to do it

money doesn't matter but to be paid to do it...
hell, yeah!

everyone's got that something
it's only a matter of finding out what it is
and how to get there
then there's no turning back
because to be inspired and passionate about something that much
is rare
and to be paid to do it
for as long as you're warranted to
is an achievement in itself
a desired goal
a dream for everyone
who dreads waking up in the morning each day.
You'd sit through traffic for it
cos it's so worthwhile

that's how much you love it
how much you want it
how great it is
and means to you

do you have it?

When All Is Said & Done

2008-10-24T00:45:00.002+08:00

I'm trying my best now....
don't know if its gonna be good enough
but there are moments when you find yourself
having a weak spirit
then the idea of doing something seems stupendously great
but the will to get it done fades away so quickly
you don't have the time it requires
to encourage the thought.

Then, there are the excuses
every now and then you'll have THE excuses to
add to the tempting prospect of not going forward
not moving that @$$
not thinking long and hard enough
and you stand to lose so much more
when that happens although you don't realise it
till you lose it
but then it's too late.

I like keeping busy,
a lot.
but now and again,
you feel like a kid in a candy store
when you're overwhelmed with so many things to consider
complete
accomplish
aim
deliver
at the same time.
You push yourself without knowing that you're doing it
and going about it the wrong way.
that there are other approaches to it.
smarter choices
various aspects and perspectives
until someone knocks it into you

then you're wide awake
and afraid to blink
just in case you miss a beat

and that's the exhilaration you get to savour
once in your lifetime
before the numbness sets in
the routine, the common sense
the habit
the daily toil....

its funny how people reveal themselves more freely
when they think nobody is watching, listening, reading,
paying attention.

yet its written in the most popularly sought after medium
which has become synonymous with vowels
and even ubiquituous
like Coke...

there's something about being discovered that intrigues people
i reckon

Voulez-vous

2008-10-11T01:14:00.004+08:00

Do you ever get tired of chasing?

I've reached the conclusion that life is all about it - one BIG chase.
Be it a rush for more money, love, more attention, fulfilment, more power, credibility, success ... it's never one for anything less.

And at times it can get to you.

The chase, is tiring.
It can deflate your energy.
It can discourage you when all you do is chase but never get to your target.
And that can get depressing.

Sometimes, you realise you won't get it either.
The chase, that is.

Why do you do it?
What is its purpose?
Where is the end?

That's when it gets annoying.

When you're used to actually achieving a target you've aimed for, for so long.
But never seem to GET it.
And don't seem any nearer to it.

The chase becomes exhausting.
Impossible.

Worthless.
Pointless.

Why do you even waste your time on it?
Will you eventually get it?

What's it for, to begin with?

Can I just give up?
Throw in the towel?
Wallow in a depressive state of mind?

....Rest?